Does dying of slutty nurse/sailor/witch overdose sound unappealing this Halloween weekend? No fear, Syfy has the antidote with its annual “31 Days of Halloween” marathon, guaranteed to satisfy both your fears and funny bones.

Syfy is notorious for both its awful original movies (“Aztec Rex,” anyone?) and uncanny ability to waste 90 minutes of peoples’ lives every so often with excruciatingly corny movies starring no-wonder-they’re-not-famous actors. This demonic practice of the geek’s mothership is simply unavoidable during the month of October. Syfy lets loose then, not caring that some viewers would rather see three more Saw sequels (not that that was an invitation, James Wan) than one more movie about killer bugs.

Aside from a few semi-respected horror films with why-did-I-do-that? actors (hello, Kate I’ll-make-a-zillion-romantic-comedies-and-maybe-people-will-forget-The-Skeleton-Key Hudson), this year’s crop also has a few diamonds in the rough. Or, well, at least pebbles that appear slightly shiny if one’s squinting at them from three miles away. Here are a few that fit the obligatory B-Movie categories:

The Remake:

Frankenstein Reborn

This horror film (produced by the The Asylum, an independent horror movie company guilty of many, many awful movies) is heavy on the gore, but not on the lore. The general plotline is familiar: Crazy scientist Dr. Franks does various experiments involving dead people and electricity. He eventually utters that infamous line, “He’s aliiiiiive!” and then really regrets it. In this version, however, his creation doesn’t just go around brooding all over the place. The monster (a vengeful parapalegic who had been prodded with nanotechnology-soaked medical equipment) instead goes out and kills everybody he comes by, especially if they’re hot, scantily-clad girlfriends of his creator. The acting? Awful. The special effects? Ketchupy. But this one gets props for a decent attempt at revitalizing a, um, dead tale.

The Werewolf Movie:

The Beast of Bray Road

How is it that vampires and zombies get all the lovin’ and their clawed, furry cousins are left to suffer through meals of pathetically terrible actors? In yet another werewolf movie, yet another scary beast is spotted but ignored, yet another attractive woman is eaten and yet another hot sheriff is forced to face the facts that, yeah, there’s a big, hairy half-wolf half-man out there feeding on half-naked chicks. Kudos for trying to be cool by basing this on a “true story.” There’s a myth dating back to the early 1800’s about a werewolf in Wisconsin. Wikipedia it. Unfortunately, the scare factor is way outnumbered by the humor factor. After all, apparently werewolves aren’t very wolf-like—instead, they resemble humongous, slobbery monkeys.

The Based-on-an-Ancient-Native-American-Myth Movie:

Bone Eater

Not only did the Americans come and steal all of the Native Americans’ land, but they have also managed to steal their ancient myths and/or rituals and make horrible B-movies out of them. There is nothing original about this film – half Native American sheriff (who, of course, ignores his heritage and is way out of touch with his Grandmother Willow) has to investigate a construction site (which, duh, used to be an ancient burial ground) where three workers mysteriously died after messing with some leftover relics (darn those spiteful Katonahs and their “forgotten” artifacts). Of course, what really happened was that they unleashed a powerful demon-like spirit who is now out to kill everyone, including the Wise Native American and his Pretty Native American Princess daughter. This cornucopia of awfulness was created by the same company that did Frankenstein Reborn, so it had promise. But just taking other people’s ideas and making terrible movies out of them? Never a good idea.

Sequel to a Movie that had Jennifer Aniston in it:

Leprechaun 2

Because the title of this category was probably misread, this fact must be restated: JENNIFER ANISTON IS NOT IN THIS MOVIE. Thank God, too, because she probably would have shot herself afterward if she had been a part of quite possibly one of the worst sequels ever (granted, this was before Leprechaun: Back 2 tha Hood was made). As if the idea of an evil leprechaun isn’t lame enough, this sequel finds that the evil leprechaun is kinda horny and looking for some unsuspecting, albeit sexy, woman (read: NOT Jennifer Aniston) to be his bride. Death and blood ensue. Oh, and a permanent distaste toward Lucky Charms.

Obligatory Paranormal Documentary:

Children of the Grave (Airs November 1, 4 a.m.)

In all honesty, this documentary about pint-sized ghosts isn’t lame at all—in fact, it’s pretty freaking creepy. This collection of tales explores spooky legends/urban myths ranging from poltergeists to haunted orphanages. There are no awful actors, no excessive blood, and no topless girls in sight. And as everyone knows from movies such as Poltergeist and nearly every movie ever adapted from Japan or Korea: Kids. Are. Creepy. Especially dead ones who come back and try to dismember you on a regular basis.

The WTF Movie:

Reign of the Gargoyles

Yes, that was read correctly: REIGN OF THE GARGOYLES. These aren’t Disney’s gargoyles. These are WWII-soldier-eating, results-of-a-Nazi-experiment, poorly-CGI-animated BEASTS. The premise is pretty self-explanatory: It’s the middle of WWII and a bunch of rookie soldiers are dropped into enemy territory. They expected to see horrific things thanks to their enemies, but they never expected gray, minature-dragon-looking creatures to grab them by their ankles and eat them. This movie is the definition of “you’ve got to be kidding me—they actually MADE a movie like that?!” They don’t come much cornier. Honestly. How in the world does someone convince an actor to star in something like this? Perhaps it’s really a deep, metaphorical jab at Hitler … or, erm, perhaps not.

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